Blog Story #5

Here is another one. Just a warning. I was feeling sort of disgusted when I wrote this, so if you don't like grossness, I would suggest skipping this one. Enjoy?

I have a great life. Plenty of friends, money, and time. But my best friend happens to be my weirdest friend. You see, Frank has this very, very weird condition. I'll start from the beginning.
     I met Frank for the first time at the supermarket. I had collected all the items on my list and headed to the checkout counter. There was Frank. I looked at his face and saw that his entire face was dotted with tiny lumps. I looked closer and saw the quite green lumps slowly sliding down his face. I looked even closer and saw that his face was covered in green snot and the lumps were actually. . . well . . . boogers. Yes, boogers. The main dish of most children under the age of 8. Frank turned his head toward me rather quickly and one of the green particles flew off. I ducked, barely missing it. Instead, it hit the cashier at the other register who merely flicked it off. I stood and grinned weakly at Frank. He noticed my slightly disgusted look and quickly wiped his face with his hand and then on his sleeve. He looked surprisingly more human, now. I immediately decided that I liked the fellow, so we exchanged phone numbers. I left with my groceries with a few green lumps on them, to remind me of my new best friend.
     But one day, many months later, Frank stopped by for a surprise visit. I was confused since my friend wasn't his usual greenish color. I noticed the improvement right away. There were plenty of problems that would be fixed by his change. For example, his meals would taste much better. Unfortunately, Frank had to leave on an emergency at the supermarket almost right when he got to my house. So I wasn't able to question him as to his seemingly miraculous recovery. I resolved  at once to find out why my friend wasn't snotting. I set out to talk to his two neighbors. The neighbor on his left was an old man, who was infatuated with weight-lifting. The other neighbor was an old lady, obsessed with flowers. I naturally asked the old man first.
     "Hello sir. May I ask you some obnoxiously intruding questions?"
     "Sure dude. Fire away. I'll just be working out while you talk."
     "That's fine. What did you do to my best friend?"
     The big guy paused a minute. "The snotty guy?"
     "Yes."
     "Oh, him. I just told him that he needed to start working out. I hope that he took my advice. The guy is PUNY! He can't lift a 200-lb weight!"
     "Thank you for your time, sir." I slipped away, glad that he hadn't tried to see if I could lift a 200-lb weight. The old lady was next. 
     "Ma'am. May I ask you some polite and very nice questions?"
     "Sure honey, go right ahead. If you want some chocolate covered nuts, they're in the bowl over there."
     "Thanks. Now what did you do to my friend? Yes, the snotty one."
     "Why, I got so tired of that nasal drip that stuck my garden hose under his nose."
     I sat back, shocked. "You blew his snot organs out with your blessed hose. Thank you very much!" I went away, case solved, and a few nuts to top the afternoon off. I didn't mind that the old lady had already sucked the chocolate off them. I gained a best friend and Kleenex lost their biggest customer. And I'm not saying that Frank is fat!


I hope you enjoyed it. Have a great day everyone!