Blog Story #2

Here it is.

I have a problem. You see, I am an antique pencil collector. No, that is not my problem. So I collect antique pencils from all regions of the world. You might ask, "How do you know if a pencil is antique?" Well, you don't. If you say that you are an antique pencil collector, people will automatically believe that your pencils are antique. The only real antique pencils that  I have are the Queen Mary set. I only happened upon them, by chance, in a old antique shop. Now here is my problem. I had six pencils, two blue, two green, and two blue but one of them was missing. These pencils belonged to my precious Queen Mary set. So I went to find the missing blue pencil. As I walked down my neighborhood street, everyone looked like a possible culprit. The old lady watering her flowers, the little boy playing some sprinklers, or the older man carrying a suspicious, wriggling bundle, all seemed curiously culprit-ish. I stopped at the nearest, the old lady, and began an interrogation.
     "Ma'am. May I ask you a few intruding questions?"
     The old lady popped her head up from behind her lilac bush. "Thirteen lilacs multiplied by five to the seventh power would equal . . . SNACK TIME!"
     Without giving me time to respond, she sprang up and dashed inside her house. Determined to get some answers, I marched up to the door and repeated my initial question.
     She responded, "Young lady, do you like your steak with mayo or mustard?"
     I gagged at her proposal and walked away. I was not a young lady and that lady was ruining some perfectly good steak with mustard or mayo.
     The next closest person was the little boy. I marched up to him and asked, "Young man, may I ask you some intruding questions?"
     The young man didn't seem to notice. I repeated myself, adding a polite "Please" in there. In response the stubby little dude splashed me with sprinkler water. Infuriated, I looked around for something to retaliate with. I saw a hose, I grabbed the hose, and I doused the rude kid. The un-fazed kid stood up, walked over to me, and put his fist right next to the nozzle. Water sprayed everywhere, except where the perpetrator was. I dropped the hose and stood glowering at the little guy, all the while dripping lakes. I suddenly heard a voice behind me, "My, my. Stop acting like children." It was the old man, this time without the suspicious bundle. I pointed accusingly at the little boy, "He started it." The time-old phrase didn't disturb the old man and he replied, "You continued it." My anger had died down. I apologized to the little guy, and then I let the old man have it.
     "May I ask you some very intruding questions?"
     "Yes."
     "What were you doing snooping around my house?"
     "I was getting my dog."
     "What was your dog doing around my house?"
     The old man looked me in the eye. "He was using the restroom."
     I gulped. "Thank you, sir." I walked away, feeling the shame radiating off my body. The only person who had been on my property was the old man getting his dog. His dog! I rushed to the spot where the dog had apparently done his business. There sticking out of that disgusting pile was the blue end of Queen Mary's pencil. I smiled and groaned at the same time. By the way, that whole story wasn't the problem. The real problem is cleaning off the pencil.


I am going to try to post another one either Monday or Tuesday. Hopefully Monday, but you never know. Have a great day everyone! =)