Blog Story #7

Hey everybody. It's me again, with another blog story. I was planning on posting two today, but that isn't going to happen.

I have a neighbor. Yes, she is a problem. You see, she loves to cook. That is precisely her problem. She is probably the only one, if any, who can fix a TV dinner the wrong way. So all her friends know to politely nibble at her food and then gag afterward, in the safety of the bathroom. So you can imagine my fear when she came to my door with a covered dish. 
     "Hello sir. I've brought you a simply delectable dish. It's a favorite among my nephews. Every time I make it, it's gone before I even set it out. Adorable, isn't it?"
     I jerked my head up and down rapidly. "Yes ma'am, it's quite adorable. Uh . . . what is the dish?"
     "Avocado custard." She proudly shoved the dish at me. I clutched the feared thing, in my arms.
     "Um, thank you ma'am." I watched the old lady skip down the street. Quickly I closed the door. I carried the dish carefully over to the table. I held my breath as I lifted the cover off the top of the dish. A stench hit me like a ten-foot wave. I continued to hold my breath, for entirely different reasons, as I dashed out of the room. Three cans of deodorizing spray later, I collapsed into a chair. The custard was safely stored in my refrigerator. The smell wasn't there anymore, I threw it in the trashcan. It was a decaying cockroach. One of the largest I've ever seen. That lovely surprise in her custard only finishing hardening my resolve to not touch that custard. I already had begun to harden my resolve when I discovered that the avocados were still in their skin and floating in a watery custard. So I left that loathed dish in my refrigerator for the next few days, then the next week, and eventually the whole month. Finally I remembered it. I looked in my rarely ever used refrigerator and gasped. There, covering the entire inside of my refrigerator, was green mold. Fungus was even growing in there. Fungus is awesome. Just not spread all over the inside of my refrigerator. I groaned. As far as I know, there is no professional refrigerator-cleaning company nearby. But there is an amateur refrigerator-cleaning company nearby. I rushed my refrigerator right over there. Out in front of the building was a guard working like a dog. In fact, he was a dog. I hauled my refrigerator to the front door. Somebody came out. He was either a very short man or a very large toddler. He started talking and I immediately decided, "Definitely over-sized toddler." The kid was pretty tall for being short. He gave me an estimate and I paid him. I left my refrigerator with him and drove off. I came back an hour later and picked it up, nice and shiny. I got home and opened the refrigerator door and was surprised. There scribbled in large, block letters were the words, "Tanks 4 bean my verst cuxtumer." Then I realized that the whole inside of my refrigerator was covered in permanent marker drawings. I know believe that this kid was a natural Picasso. I could not tell his drawings apart. Anyway, I bought a new refrigerator and kept the old one. I use the old one for my neighbor's frequent creations. It's covered with slime and fungi, but I don't care. When the cleaner cleaned it, he washed it in a tub of soapy water. So the cords don't work anymore. Well, you get what you paid for. And a couple nickels wasn't too high a price.




I hope that you enjoyed this. Have a great day everyone! Don't forget to smile! =)