Blog Story #9

Hey everyone! Alright, let's do this! Here is the first of my two blog stories that are complete.

My name is Nigel and I am the top clothespin advocate. In fact, I am probably the only clothespin advocate. Basically I go door to door in neighborhoods throughout California, and try to convince that clothespins are a lot better than duct tape. One of these door-to-door experiences was quite disturbing. If I remember correctly . . . 
          I was approaching the end of another long day, and had about one more block to go. The next house was all gray and dull to my very tired eyes. I slowly walked up to the door and rang the old fading doorbell. When I pulled my hand away it was a little sticky. However, I had no time to find out why, the door flew open. A tall, old lady stood looking down at me through her thin little spectacles. I quickly rubbed the sticky stuff off my hand with my pant leg, and tried to look pleasant. 
          "Ma'am, I'm not here to sell you anything. I'm here too--"
          "That reminds me of a salesman back in 1492 who tried to sell a ship to Elvis Presley." The old lady interrupted with a strange light in her eye. "Or was it Frankenstein?"
           "Uh," I was unsure whether to continue. I decided to continue. "I'm not trying to create a civil war between your duct tape-loving side and your clothespin-loving side , I'm merely--". Again I was rudely interrupted
          "Civil war? Yes, I remember the Civil War. It all started with America fighting Nigeria in World War 3.
          I listened to the lady drone on and on bout mixed-up history. 
         "Great," I thought. "I just happen to get stuck with a very old history teacher with a serious case of dementia. Just what I needed." I clearly wasn't in a very good mood. Bored, I amused myself by making faces in a nearby glass window. Suddenly I realized that she had noticed what I was doing. Next thing I knew, she had dragged me inside and duct-taped to a stiff, wooden chair. Worst of all, she placed a large piece of duct tape right over my eyes. That's when it happened. 
          When I was younger, I nearly suffocated myself with a piece of duct tape. I've lived in fear of it to this day. That's why I do what I do. 
          So you can imagine what I am feeling right now. Pain? Fear? Check! I could feel myself losing control of my feet, then my knees, then my whole legs. I was going into ductophobic shock, for sure. I started to finish my panic. I didn't want to die!
          In blind rage, I lashed about with my body. With a gargantuan effort, I managed to free one hand. I ripped myself free, ignoring the intense pain. My arms and legs were painfully waxed as the powerful, sticky cloth was pulled away. The dementia lady was standing off to the side, glaring at me.
          "You had to get free before I had my acupuncture!" She looked the very picture of frustration.
          I merely snorted and reached into my nearby briefcase, which had been carelessly discarded. I brought out my pack of clothespins and began firing clothespins at her. All the while I was screaming, "Clothespins are the solution to EVERYTHING!" A few packs of clothespins later, I had pinned the old lady to the floor enough for me to escape the horrible house. After all, clothespin darts are a lot worse than acupuncture.

It was fun! =P