How did Noah fit a billion species of animals in the ark? Find out!

Hey everybody! I'm sorry about the long silence, but here I am! Last week, at the homeschool conference, I saw a video explaining about Noah's ark. I just wanted to share this with you. Enjoy!

I hope that you guys enjoyed that. Have a great rest of the day! =D

Homeschool Convention!

I am exhausted! I'm sure that you guys know that feeling. You come home and your legs are so tired that a comfortable chair feels great, and a bed feels like bliss. Well, that's where I am right now. I have just gotten back from a 3-day homeschool convention. I listened to quite a few sessions. Some made me laugh and some made me bored ( none of them made me cry. . . I promise ). I took lots of notes and had quite a bit of fun. I should get on here sometime next week and let you guys know about my favorite session(s). I can't wait. Right now I need to take a break.

But before I go, I need a favor of you. Take a minute and tell me about a habit that you have(had). I would be most interested to know some of your habits. And since I can't let you tell me yours without telling you mine, here is mine. 

When I was younger, ten or so, I was intrigued with patterns. So much so, that  I had an interesting and annoying habit. I would imagine that the floor of the house was covered in invisible tiles, all the same size. I had to step right in the middle of the tiles or else . . . So I would go around the house, taking care to step just where I imagined the middle of the tiles to be. I based the tile places on the places of the tiles in our kitchen. So I was able to travel from one end of the house to the other using measured steps. I had certain markers around the house to show me where specific tiles were, so that  I could better guess where to step. Let's just say that I have never forgotten how to do that, and it is very annoying. I find myself walking evenly everywhere. Plus I also had a hard time stepping on cracks. In the kitchen I would purposely avoid the cracks in between the tile. On the wood floor, I would purposely avoid the cracks and knots in the wood. I led a very measured life. So when I began to break these habits it just felt wrong stepping on cracks and out of order. So that was my biggest habit, I think. I have many others but that was my biggest. 

So don't forget to tell me about your favorite or biggest habit. Have a great week! =)

Blog Story #10

Alright, here is the most recent blog story. Enjoy!

My name is Franchette and I'm a eighty-year-old woman. I used to love shopping in supermarkets but now, I dread it. I earned my dislike of supermarkets on a cold, drizzly day in September. If I remember correctly . . . 
          I shuffled up to the supermarket doors in the steady drizzle of rain. I nervously patted my hair to make sure that I was looking nice before I entered the supermarket. Once I was inside, I scanned the categories hanging over the aisles. I needed something for my dinner that night. As I looked at the categories, I decided to have something seafood. Patting my hair, I meandered over to the seafood section. Fish tanks, lobster pools, and crayfish bowls lined the rows. I was heading towards the fish when I was blocked by a store attendant shelving some flour, bread, and other grain products. I waited impatiently in the aisle as the young man struggled to heave big bags of flour onto the top shelves. He saw me standing there.
          "Hello ma'am. How may I help you? Nice weather we've been having, huh?
          I had merely opened my mouth to answer his first question when I was bombarded with the second. That left me staring at him with my mouth open. Suddenly my top dentures popped loose with a embarrassing "Squelch" and clattered onto the store floor. My face flushed red as I leaned down to pick them up. But my back suddenly popped, halfway to the floor. My eyes nearly popped out with the pain. I straightened up and breathed a great big breath of fresh air. The young man noticed my predicament and came down off of his ladder. He grabbed a pair of tongs from out of a nearby lobster tank. I tried to say "No, no! Not those!" But without my top teeth it merely sounded like I was gargling. He stooped down and grasped my teeth in his still dripping tongs and lifted it up. Then to my horror he brought them up next to his face and began peering at them very closely.
          "I'm trying to find the expiration date. I think that the expiration date on these is long past."
          I "gargled" furiously. Enraged and impatient, I snatched the teeth from his dripping tongs, inserted them with a "Pop", and glared at the young man. But he didn't seem to notice, he just stuck the tongs back in the lobster tank and climbed back up the ladder. Now I was still mad at what he had said about my teeth. In a rage, I swung my purse at him, just as he was swinging a large bag of flour up onto the shelf. The purse knocked the bag out of his hands, splitting it open and sending flour flying through the air. It landed all over me, blinding me. I stumbled backwards, groping for something to steady myself with. The next thing I knew, I was floating in a lobster pool. I flailed and kicked, splashing water everywhere and sending quite a few lobsters sailing out of the pool. My hair was no officially overrun with lobsters. I finally managed to stand up and climb out of the pool. Lobsters were still hanging off me. I ended up buying a bunch of lobsters and what was left of the flour. Since I needed dinner, I had hairy lobster bread for dinner. It sorta clawed at my stomach. 

Alright. I hope that you guys enjoyed that. I definitely enjoyed writing it. =P

Happy Belated Birthday Sis!

So yesterday, May 18, my sister turned 15. This is just a shoutout to my "older" sister!

Happy Birthday, Sis!        =P

Blog Story #9

Hey everyone! Alright, let's do this! Here is the first of my two blog stories that are complete.

My name is Nigel and I am the top clothespin advocate. In fact, I am probably the only clothespin advocate. Basically I go door to door in neighborhoods throughout California, and try to convince that clothespins are a lot better than duct tape. One of these door-to-door experiences was quite disturbing. If I remember correctly . . . 
          I was approaching the end of another long day, and had about one more block to go. The next house was all gray and dull to my very tired eyes. I slowly walked up to the door and rang the old fading doorbell. When I pulled my hand away it was a little sticky. However, I had no time to find out why, the door flew open. A tall, old lady stood looking down at me through her thin little spectacles. I quickly rubbed the sticky stuff off my hand with my pant leg, and tried to look pleasant. 
          "Ma'am, I'm not here to sell you anything. I'm here too--"
          "That reminds me of a salesman back in 1492 who tried to sell a ship to Elvis Presley." The old lady interrupted with a strange light in her eye. "Or was it Frankenstein?"
           "Uh," I was unsure whether to continue. I decided to continue. "I'm not trying to create a civil war between your duct tape-loving side and your clothespin-loving side , I'm merely--". Again I was rudely interrupted
          "Civil war? Yes, I remember the Civil War. It all started with America fighting Nigeria in World War 3.
          I listened to the lady drone on and on bout mixed-up history. 
         "Great," I thought. "I just happen to get stuck with a very old history teacher with a serious case of dementia. Just what I needed." I clearly wasn't in a very good mood. Bored, I amused myself by making faces in a nearby glass window. Suddenly I realized that she had noticed what I was doing. Next thing I knew, she had dragged me inside and duct-taped to a stiff, wooden chair. Worst of all, she placed a large piece of duct tape right over my eyes. That's when it happened. 
          When I was younger, I nearly suffocated myself with a piece of duct tape. I've lived in fear of it to this day. That's why I do what I do. 
          So you can imagine what I am feeling right now. Pain? Fear? Check! I could feel myself losing control of my feet, then my knees, then my whole legs. I was going into ductophobic shock, for sure. I started to finish my panic. I didn't want to die!
          In blind rage, I lashed about with my body. With a gargantuan effort, I managed to free one hand. I ripped myself free, ignoring the intense pain. My arms and legs were painfully waxed as the powerful, sticky cloth was pulled away. The dementia lady was standing off to the side, glaring at me.
          "You had to get free before I had my acupuncture!" She looked the very picture of frustration.
          I merely snorted and reached into my nearby briefcase, which had been carelessly discarded. I brought out my pack of clothespins and began firing clothespins at her. All the while I was screaming, "Clothespins are the solution to EVERYTHING!" A few packs of clothespins later, I had pinned the old lady to the floor enough for me to escape the horrible house. After all, clothespin darts are a lot worse than acupuncture.

It was fun! =P

Excuses!

So, here I am again. I am alive. Despite what you may think. And I have some legitimate reasons for why I haven't been posting recently. So here are my excuses, . . . sorry, reasons.

1) This week I have been doubling up on my Algebra. I am trying to get that out of the way, entirely. Well, not entirely this week. But yes, eventually.
2) I've been working on some blog stories for you guys. I should be posting at least three, sometime soon. Thanks to my endearing sister, I now have been swamped with sentences. So I shall be busy for quite a while getting those finished.
3) Busy week! I was sick for the first part of the week, and this last part has been chaotic. Well, not really chaotic, just disorganized, deranged, or topsy-turvy. [I looked those up in a thesaurus, I wouldn't think of those naturally. I had to look up "deranged" to see what it meant]
4) I've been lazy. There is no denying it, I have been lazy in my blogging. Would you like to hear something ironic? Well, this week I have been working on a persuasive speech, "Frequent Blogging, Not for the Faint-Hearted". Ironic or what? I'm so farcical. [Yah, look that one up!=D]

So those are my reasons for why I have been over a week behind on blogging. But although I have not done as well this week, I shall lambaste my blogging! Fear not! Here are a few future things that I hope to accomplish through my blogging this summer!

• Have a total of 40 blog stories
• Have a total of 100 posts
• Post more of my artwork 
• Post a few homemade videos

When I said "a few", I meant "a few". So those are my plans, so far, for my blog. Please, if you guys have anything that you would like to see, let me know. If you have any ideas of what else I can do, let me know. I would appreciate any input! =D

I'm still laughing about the irony of my laziness and my speech! What a coincidence! Talk about motivation! *shakes head*

Wednesday Tid-Bit

Hey everybody. I just wanted to post something. This made me laugh. [Although I will admit, it took me a while to get it].

I hope that this brought at least a smile to your face. Have a great rest of the day! =)

My hero!

Okay everybody. Ultimately my hero is Jesus Christ because of what He did. But my current earthly hero would have to be Theodore Roosevelt. I first got to know him through the book "Carry a Big Stick". I would highly recommend this book. But here are some fun facts about Teddy.

1) Theodore Roosevelt was a homeschooler. Oh yah!
2) Theodore Roosevelt was an avid reader. I can totally sympathize. It's addicting.
3) Theodore Roosevelt was a great multi-tasker. It was said that he could dictate letters and memos to two different secretaries while browsing through a book, all at the same time. This guy is my kind of guy. Except, he knew how to multitask and still get stuff done.
4) Theodore Roosevelt had great values. He knew what he thought was right and stuck to it.
5) Theodore Roosevelt didn't settle for the ordinary. He was a sickly boy but that didn't stop him. He excersised his body every day and grew into a very strong young man. He fought in the Mexican War, leading the charge up San Juan Hill. (if I remember correctly) He didn't settle to be an average citizen either. He slowly rose up in office until he entered the presidency. But he distinguished himself from all the other presidents. He accomplished many things, for example: the Panama Canal.

This guy was a great example of a rebelutionary. He rebelled against low expectations. He raised the bar for others. He wasn't satisfied to do the norm, knowing that he could do more. This guy is my hero. He was a true example of what someone who rebelled against low expectations.
A few years ago I went to a Do Hard Things conference. That impacted me more that I knew. I was determined to show everyone that I could do more. But I didn't have the right motives. I wanted to show everyone else what a great guy I was. But last September I received Christ Jesus into my heart, and asked Him to take charge of my life. My desire to rebel against low expectations hasn't changed. If anything, it has only grown. But what has changed is my motives. I now want to rebel against low expectations to honor and glorify God.
I just wanted to share with you guys who my hero was. So if you really want to know a true hero, read up on Theodore Roosevelt. Believe me, it will be well worth the read.

Blondes

So since I haven't posted in a while I'll provide you guys with some rather funny blonde jokes. I hope that you enjoy.

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head!One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

     A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
     The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
     Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
     The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

    A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
     Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
     Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
     The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
     The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
     "Comfortable?" the guy questions.
     "Yes, you see she reads slow."

Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.

     A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
      The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
      A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
      "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
     A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
      This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immediately got up and went to her seat in coach.
      The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

 A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde had just robbed a bank and they were trying to escape from the cops. They ran down an alley and saw three huge potato sacks. They hopped inside just in time, and the cops didn't see them. Puzzled, the cops looked at the bags suspiciously. One cop kicked the brunette's bag, she meowed, and the cop thought nothing of it. He then kicked the redhead's bag, she made a clanking noise with her shoes, and the cop thought it was just some garbage. Then he moved on to the blonde's bag. He kicked it and she said "Potatoes!"

Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."   A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
     Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
     Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.

Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's. 

Those are pretty much some of the best blonde jokes that I've heard. I hope that they have brought either a smile, a chortle, or a guffaw.

What is your favorite blonde joke?